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Internal Return

by Nicol Eltzroth Rosendorf

  • Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    Limited Edition 180g LP
    Ultra Clear & Baby Blue Colour In Colour vinyl.
    Color board inner sleeve.
    CD Digipak of Internal Return Remixed, With remixes by Rafael Anton Irisarri, Sivash Amini & Terence Hannum.

    01 Rückkehr IRISARRI Resurging Earthquake Mix
    02 Shûb NER Shimmering Numb Nimbus MIX
    03 Cohen Siavash AMINI Harmonic Shiva Nexus MIX
    04 OLAH NER exhale anomoly mix
    05 Immer Besser TERENCE HANNUM Inner Hex Embers MIX

    Includes unlimited streaming of Internal Return via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 7 days
    edition of 50 

      $15 USD or more 

    You own this  


  • Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    Limited Edition 180g LP
    Ultra Clear & Baby Blue Colour In Colour vinyl.
    Color board inner sleeve.

    The LP edition contains an edited tracklist to accommodate LP length restrictions:

    01 Olah (Burnt Offering)
    02 Shûb
    03 Wave Offering
    04 Rückkehr

    05 Cohen
    06 Double Cube
    07 Immer Besser

    Includes unlimited streaming of Internal Return via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 7 days
    edition of 100 

      $10 USD or more 

    You own this  


  • Digital Album
    Streaming + Download

    Includes high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more. Paying supporters also get unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app.
    Purchasable with gift card

      name your price

    You own this


Shûb 04:31
Double Cube 03:12
Cohen 06:34 video
Tacheles 09:07
Rückkehr 05:38
Heave 04:37
Immer Besser 11:07


A wordless play on words, a heavily atmospheric drone, a groaning pun, a violently expressionist klezmer violin solo, a tale as old as time and yet as new as space: Internal Return is an album that in the act of giving something meaning also prompts us to evade it, to turn around it, to see a smile in a scowl and a scowl in a laugh. Interdisciplinary artist Nicol Eltzroth Rosendorf playfully explores that quicksand site where maybe things are not as they seem, the internal fountain of creativity from which interpretation itself emerges. It is not a comfortable place to be in, at least not exactly; like being adrift in an imageless dream, it produces monsters of a kind that, once they are receding into memory, we get the sense they were not actually terrifying, just... strange.

The internal return is thus an experience of being anxiously stuck in a place that cannot stop shifting, like the “Olah (Burnt Offering)” with which the album begins, wherein Daniel Hoffman’s (Davka, Ute Lemper, Klez-X) violin and Ben Bertrand’s clarinet beautifully surge with melancholic energy as depth-charge electronics and guitars suddenly and repeatedly detonate beneath – a rhythm that seems to transcend timelines. Like a furious, yet frail guiding voice in a void, the music treads a path that you cannot follow, one that arbitrarily narrows down, twists and turns whenever you’re certain you have it right. The root of the term anxiety, after all, is related to constriction, to feeling like everything collapses upon you, an apocalypse in miniature that does away with that solid outside, leaving only the droning vagueness of our inside.

Our insides, however, are but the result of all the worlds that have already ended time and again, once upon a time. Rosendorf’s Jewish heritage informs the album’s themes as that lives-long tapestry of tales and memories that in seeming to make meaning clear are actually further entangling the threads within: less History, more myth. “Cohen” weaves a multitude of swirling electronics, William Ryan Fritch’s trembling cello, and re-purposed vocals from Jarboe’s (Swans, World of Skin) contribution to Nicol’s Big Other (2020), sounds that knit each other into dense, layered bundles. Nonetheless, sometimes they also puncture the soundscape’s surface, letting us listen in to even more layers, even more threads, a vertiginous kaleidoscope of stories expanding through the past and converging into the here and now. Constriction through eternity: our insides are not ourselves, they are the ever-collapsing stories of others.

The acute strangeness of not recognizing what should be most easily recognizable to oneself reaches its peak here, and Internal Return begins again, slightly changed. The album plunges into the void, not for us to get lost, but for us to find a way. The path through the album’s 10 pieces can be harsh, filled with low, crackling drones, sparse instrumental sections, and swerves into noise, the dizzying signs of stories that cannot be interpreted, that have no beginning and no end, that definitely mean something but offer no way of knowing what. In wondering we only wander towards more quicksand, our scowls turning to smiles turning to sobs turning to laughs. Because the chaotic stitches of a history of trauma – exile, sacrifice, Holocaust – in which individuals drift through the looking-glass of family inheritance, is also the horizon of renewal, in which things never stay the same, in which meanings are always shifting around, in which we look back and see that the narrow pathway was always pretty big, as far as narrow pathways are concerned. The very last track, “Immer Besser”, featuring Greg Fox (Litvrgy, Ex Eye), throws a slow lifeline for listeners to follow, a layered drone that returns to the beginning’s themes, a fading star now suddenly supernova. The title is, as Nicol says, "German for 'Forever Better.'" He adds: “If only.”

Suddenly, we are no longer stuck, but floating; suddenly, we find bits of ourselves in the stories of others; suddenly, we can see the outside again. It’s already dark, but it doesn’t matter – you have a strange sun growing inside, and there’s nothing new under it.


released June 9, 2023




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Negative Capability Editions Atlanta, Georgia

Experimental Music // Art Object Editions

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